HOW NOT TO SUCK AT BLOGGING.....

Well, as I was writing...something happened that shook me to my core. My husband opened up our phone bill (our two cells, plus our long time housekeeper's) and my bill from recent job in Toronto 3400$...in roaming charges.

Yes, I had called them before I took off, left word on some nameless voicemail, thinking that I could hook up a better plan, but then, when nobody returned the call, I let it go. I got BUSY and just did the work....

3400$$$$$

Now I had anticipated about 5-600 in phone charges...I mean you GOTTA use your cell phone. And, I thought I was being uber conscience in NOT using the hard line at the hotel....so, I had a fit.

Luckily, David took the situation in hand, called them and they credited ups something like 2600$, bringing it down to a reasonable 900 and change, reasonable to get re-imbursed for all of those calls.

But, my hands were shaking and my stomach dropping.

How could I be so retarded! Not only for myself, but for the future. As I struggle here in a constricting free lance market, this is the kind of thing that makes people think you are dumb as a box of stones. How will I get the next gig??

I didn't take time to take care of myself.

I am still aghast...I keep reading about the PASSION it takes to blog, to find your niche, to find your audience, to find your core. The guts it takes to be real and transparent and write something worth people taking the time to read. And so, as I sit here, with my heart in my throat I can say with the utmost transparency,, honesty and passion..that the margin I am living on is so narrow, that I felt it all crash around me just an hour ago. All because I did not take the time to hunt down the best situation for myself....nope I was working, giving it all up for the job.

Is that my mission? Is that my niche?

How to live on the edge of it all?? And, somehow find the grace, the compassion, the WHATEVER to keep going?

I am 53, a mother and a long time professional. I have been a homeowner since 1989 and married since 1988.

I have been a busy freelance line producer for over 20 years, have authored an ebook, and working on another. Thru all the ups and downs of this business, I was never the one who wanted out....I like it. I still like it. I would like to work more, but I understand that I was out of the loop for a while with staff jobs, and got back into the market at the perfect storm of bad timing. I had a pretty good year last year, as did my husband.

I am PASSIONATELY working on balancing all of this....as well as pushing the edges of my life, my interests and my interests to new places. I EMBRACE change, or actually I like to think about embracing change...I come to it slowly. I am a creature of habits.

I am really good at my work...and finding it difficult to live from month to month, week to week.....I was a saver and my panic fund is pretty much depleted.

There, how does that stack up for NOT SUCKING AT BLOGGING?