WHEN AT A LOSS FOR WORDS....DINIM....

YEAH, cook.

At a loss for what to say on Monday morning, yes I am.

quick re-cap..

PHONE BILL, sorted out, roaming charges reduced DRAMATICALLY, bill paid.

OTHER DOCS..filed

EMAILS, looking for work, witty repartee included, sent.

JOGATHON 21 wrist bands for Camille, pretty good.

So, getting onto something , about which I can do something...I offer up my mother's goof proof baked chicken. dinner on a dime+DINDIM..

LORNA'S BAKED CHICKEN

1 whole chicken, cut up into sections

1 cup all purpose flour

3 T dry rub ( I use my mom's, it is a secret recipe she got from the NY Times a zillion years ago, but will not share the ingredients, so try whatever you like to season the flour)

BUTTER, a big lump, sorry, not to scientific but you will get it right away

OLIVE OIL...a smear..

1/2 lb (thereabouts) of small red or yellow potatoes, cut in quarters, skins still on.

1/2 lb mushrooms, cleaned and split in the middle

Preheat oven to 375, and put lump of buyer and smear of oil in bottom of baking pan. I use a rectangular metal pan, dark in color as it seems to brown the bird the best. Put pan in oven and melt butter, while the oil warms.....roll it around the bottom of pan to coat lightly

Meanwhile, combine flour with dry rub to season. wash and pat dry chicken parts, then dredge gently in seasoned flour. Make sure the parts are lightly coated but shake off excess.

Place chicken parts SKIN SIDE DOWN in pan...sprinkle seasoned flour on potatoes and arrange them in pan as well.

Bake for 30 minutes, then flip the parts over (skin side up) move the potatoes around and add the mushrooms (you can lightly flour them as well) to pan and continue baling about another 30 minutes.

I use an instant read thermometer to check interior temp of thickest part of meat....when it hits

160 it is done. By then the potatoes should be cooked and crisp and the mushrooms nicely roasted.

NOTE, the dry rub is the main seasoning...s if you do no have it, you can generously salt and pepper the chicken..or use herbs of your choice, rosemary, sage, thyme, garlic all good, I do occasionally add peeled garlic cloves and let them roast as well....but, not mandatory.

There should be some yummy bits stuck to the bottom of the pan, when we were kids we used to fight over who got to scrape the pan.

ENJOY....

I will get back to exorcising demons tomorrow, they did wake me today..but, for some unknown reason I went blissfully back to sleep. Not sure how I did it, but I will think on it and let you know.

HOW NOT TO SUCK AT BLOGGING.....

Well, as I was writing...something happened that shook me to my core. My husband opened up our phone bill (our two cells, plus our long time housekeeper's) and my bill from recent job in Toronto 3400$...in roaming charges.

Yes, I had called them before I took off, left word on some nameless voicemail, thinking that I could hook up a better plan, but then, when nobody returned the call, I let it go. I got BUSY and just did the work....

3400$$$$$

Now I had anticipated about 5-600 in phone charges...I mean you GOTTA use your cell phone. And, I thought I was being uber conscience in NOT using the hard line at the hotel....so, I had a fit.

Luckily, David took the situation in hand, called them and they credited ups something like 2600$, bringing it down to a reasonable 900 and change, reasonable to get re-imbursed for all of those calls.

But, my hands were shaking and my stomach dropping.

How could I be so retarded! Not only for myself, but for the future. As I struggle here in a constricting free lance market, this is the kind of thing that makes people think you are dumb as a box of stones. How will I get the next gig??

I didn't take time to take care of myself.

I am still aghast...I keep reading about the PASSION it takes to blog, to find your niche, to find your audience, to find your core. The guts it takes to be real and transparent and write something worth people taking the time to read. And so, as I sit here, with my heart in my throat I can say with the utmost transparency,, honesty and passion..that the margin I am living on is so narrow, that I felt it all crash around me just an hour ago. All because I did not take the time to hunt down the best situation for myself....nope I was working, giving it all up for the job.

Is that my mission? Is that my niche?

How to live on the edge of it all?? And, somehow find the grace, the compassion, the WHATEVER to keep going?

I am 53, a mother and a long time professional. I have been a homeowner since 1989 and married since 1988.

I have been a busy freelance line producer for over 20 years, have authored an ebook, and working on another. Thru all the ups and downs of this business, I was never the one who wanted out....I like it. I still like it. I would like to work more, but I understand that I was out of the loop for a while with staff jobs, and got back into the market at the perfect storm of bad timing. I had a pretty good year last year, as did my husband.

I am PASSIONATELY working on balancing all of this....as well as pushing the edges of my life, my interests and my interests to new places. I EMBRACE change, or actually I like to think about embracing change...I come to it slowly. I am a creature of habits.

I am really good at my work...and finding it difficult to live from month to month, week to week.....I was a saver and my panic fund is pretty much depleted.

There, how does that stack up for NOT SUCKING AT BLOGGING?

I AM MY OWN EXORCIST....

and I, have to be. cuz, when those demons try to take hold, it is almost always at 5 am.

It is a wicked pattern that has started, me,waking in a hot cold sweat at 5am.

The demons, the fears and worries all ganging up on me as I slip from sleep to wakefulness...I am so unprepared and so defenseless and they slip in and overwhelm my minimal defenses.

I have started a practice of calling them out before I start the long process of hunting for sleep. I tell the frustrations , sadness and worry to come out and show themselves...thus I can confront them. It is the same old story....financial fear, emotional insecurities and concerns about the future....and I call them out and they come out and I do my best to quell and then I go to sleep. But, they return when my defenses are down.

I am my own exorcist, I have to be. I cannot get anybody else to do this work.

I can barely afford to pay the mortgage and weekly groceries, who can i expect to take this on?

So, I have decided to write them out of my life...so here goes, I will get up each morning and attack them right back. But, I am going PUBLIC with my side of the story. I will make it a street (internet superhighway) brawl.

to be continued...