Spin the Bottle, bottle that spin.....

I am a freelancer, looking for work.

I make no bones about it, even while working, I am thinking of where and when the next job will come....

I am a friendly, professional stalker of executive producers and company owners......steadfast, orderly, polite and constant, I email, text, call, meet, greet and stay in touch. I am experienced, funny, responsible, good natured, professional and innovative at my work...all good things.

But, it is all a game of chance....chemistry....hoping that the stars align in my favor, first that my first missive is received and remembered, then that I wear the right shoes and say the right things...then that somebody else says something kind, and hopefully true about me...then that they put me on hold, book the job and it all goes well. Usually, those who work with me call me again to the task....but, not always. Each time, spin that bottle again, and see who and where it points.

I feel embattled and bitter this week.....so much emailing, calling and greeting......so little return this week.

I spun and spun and spun and it all pointed nowhere...or seemingly so.

I remind myself it is not personal...just a game of chance and timing...not (directly) about me...but, it just does not feel that way. I am constantly thinking, how do I package and re-package myself? How to I make the me of it all more appealing, more productive and more wanted...for the work, that is.

I want to be invited to the party....that is my mantra of freelance life....whether or not I actually attend, that is the part I like to think I have the control over....but I crave that invitation...that spin resulting in the right combination of time and timing,

My time, my timing.

My time, my timing...which all feels out of sync right now....how do I re-jig the puzzle, re-assemble the pieces and re-serve the dish....how do I set my timing back onto the path of productivity and success?

Order, from Chaos......

I am not a neat person....actually, I am a slob.

I have long ago come to terms with this...and I am sorry to report, that despite my admission, I am the cleanest, neatest person in my family/household.

I live with a husband (also a freelancer) , a 10 year old, two dogs and a cat who is allergic to her own fur and dander....needless to say, the SWIFFER gets a lot of work done in our humble abode.

I admit openly that I am a slob, but in my various vocations as freelance producer, author, mother and human being...i embrace my slobliness and work with it.

I recognize other slobs (no judgement) and constantly check out ow they keep it all in check. We all have our systems!. I try to assist my co-slobs in organizing (family, co-workers, etc) the little things, in the hopes that it will clear the clutter and give us all breathing room...but I am not too successful at it.

To this end, I am starting to understand why I like cleaning the kitchen. It goes against all of my slob tendencies....but, I find making order out of chaos, fulfilling.

I guess it is something about the lack of control in life....the feeling that all around me, I am attempting to wrench the river of my life and can only re direct a drop of water at any given moment But, I can take those awful, dirty messy bowls and pans, get them into order and wipe the counters clean.

It all feels good....not the actual tidying up part, I just turn up the radio or my audio book and suck it up... but the accomplishing something part. Even though I know that I will destroy the the peace at the next meal......it is weirdly satisfying..some kind of domestic crazy, sickness thing.

See, I tell myself, I can wrench a river, well maybe I can only wrench a few drops....but that is part of the river...right??

Instead of the gaping holes of looking for work, parenting an unruly 10 year old and navigating the ever tricker world of production.....this actually gets done, finito...maybe not for too long, but for a moment, I have made order out life's chaos...imposed my template on an un-knowable situation, mastered my universe (kitchen), tamed the beast and any other cliche you care to insert.

Hmmm, I am eyeing that basket of mismatched socks now.....

Sick....

ON LITERACY....

Ostensibly, about the issues of Braille vs audio/text to voice for seriously visually impaired....and of course, this is a topic of great interest to me...but a question of how we define literacy in our world.

And, an interesting comment on dyslexia in the brain as well.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.....

Ring the bells, that still can ring....

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/magazine/03Braille-t.html?hpw